After meeting and dating different men who
you thought were good guys at first, do you
really know what a man who's emotionally MATURE
looks like?
Or are you finding that while you think you
can tell a mature man from an immature man, you
don't seem to be as good at figuring this out as
you'd like to be?
Since I'm guessing it wouldn't hurt for me to
shed light on this for you, let's talk for a
second about what a mature man really looks like.
I'll start here...
HOW TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF MAN YOU HAVE ON YOUR
HANDS
Have you ever been dating a guy when one of
those situations came up in his life that shook
his foundation and challenged him - either made
him re-think who he is, what he does, or what
he's most passionate about?
For example, maybe he lost his job or a
particular sport or activity he's devoted to, or
maybe someone close to him passed away.
If you've been dating a man when one of these
kinds of situations came up in his life, you
almost certainly watched him pull back from you a
bit once it happened. Men often do this when they
feel their life and significance is in crisis.
But here's where differences between an
emotionally mature man and an immature man show
up:
THE EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE MAN RUNS AND HIDES
An emotionally immature man will completely
withdraw without warning. He will completely
avoid addressing the issues he's facing and the
feelings he's going through.
Not only will he block himself out of his own
feelings, but he'll block you and your
relationship completely out as well.
An immature man can't admit when he's going
through a challenging time, and he can't open up
and see that allowing the people he's closest to
and loves the most to be there to listen and
support him is the best thing.
Instead, he wants to isolate himself to try
and make the pain and the problem go away. But
it doesn't work that way.
On the other hand, an emotionally mature man
will handle things very differently.
THE EMOTIONALLY MATURE MAN STANDS STILL AND LETS
YOU IN
While an emotionally mature man will still
feel the pain and frustration of his circumstances
and might even noticeably pull back a bit in all
areas of his life, he WON'T shut the woman he
loves out of his heart and mind.
In fact, an emotionally mature man knows that
in order to have a truly loving and honest
relationship, he has to be honest about who he is
and how he's feeling, even when he's feeling down
about himself.
And he can't hide away if he's going to stay
close and loving with the woman in his life.
Emotionally mature men are willing to show
their feelings, and more importantly, they're
able to allow the woman in their life to "see"
them even when they're going through a difficult
time.
They will avoid the temptation men feel to
shut down and go into "survival mode" all alone
in isolation.
Have you ever watched a man go into survival
mode? If you have, you know that there's no
talking him down from it. It's simply a matter of
whether or not the man has the mental and
emotional tools inside him to handle the situation
in a better way.
Mature men understand that their feelings can't
simply be stuffed away or shut off, or else the
relationship and the women in their life suffers
as well.
MATURITY IN ACTION: THE SIGNS TO LOOK FOR
Now that you're starting to get what I'm
talking about, start looking for signs of
emotional maturity in any and all of the men
around you. Practice looking at all areas of a
man's life, and you'll be able to identify a
man's emotional maturity level:
Maturity Area #1: Work
Is the man able to handle adversity,
criticism or even intense politics at work and
remain level-headed, relatively calm, or even
compassionate?
Or is he spiteful, does he talk about problems
instead of thinking about solutions and how to
improve personal dynamics in his work life and
relationships?
Compassion and the ability to handle complex
mental and emotional situations without coming
unglued or doing negative or harmful things to
other people is one of the best signs of
emotional maturity - and sensitivity as well.
Maturity Area #2: Friends
What type of people does a man spend his time
around?
It has been said that you can know all you
need to know about a person simply by looking at
the people they spend their time around. A man's
closest friends and peers are one of the very
best windows into his mental and emotional world.
Are a man's friends people of integrity? Are
they doing positive things with their lives and
committed to living a good life?
And are a man's friends capable of being in
mature and committed relationships? Does he have
any married friends who have stable relationships
where both partners are relatively happy and
fulfilled?
Men spend most of their time with people whose
values they share.
Maturity Area #3: Family
How does a man handle his relationships with
his family members?
Sure, lots of people have challenging family
situations, but whether or not a guy's parents
are together is not what's really telling about
him. It's more important whether or not he's on
stable emotional footing in the way he relates
to his parents.
Fighting intensely with parents, high and low
emotional swings, or completely estranged
situations without a clear reason can be signs of
deeper emotional turmoil that's unresolved and
might mean that a man will have trouble being
there and being present and stable with you
emotionally.
So you know, there are other key areas of
maturity you should look for in a man to make
sure you're not wasting your time with someone
who isn't capable of the relationship you
deserve. If you have questions are comments on this subject feel free to post
No comments:
Post a Comment