"Putting Boundaries into place... in order to Establish Heathy Relationships"

Let's first start with what are boundaries?...Boundaries are

plural bound·aries

Definition of BOUNDARY

: something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent

bound·ary·less \-ləs\ adjective

bound·ary·less·ness noun

Examples of BOUNDARY

1. Those two trees mark the boundary of our property.
2. The river forms the country's western boundary.
3. at the boundary between fact and fiction
4. You need to set boundaries with your children.
5. Did he violate the boundaries of the doctor-patient relationship?

Origin of BOUNDARY

First Known Use: 1598

Related to BOUNDARY

Synonyms: bound, limit, cap, ceiling, confines, end, extent, limitation, line, termination

The purpose of the boundaries within relationships rather that relationship is with your children, family members, friends or significant other are put in place to create healthy relationships. When there aren't boundaries you leave yourself open to be taken advantage of or to compromise your beliefs for the other party. Now there is a danger that takes place in boundless relationships.Most often those who have neglected to establish boundaries or in layman's term lines that can't be crossed. Those individuals who may suffer with issues of insecurities and self-esteem . And there may be someone reading this post, whom just may say ..."I don't have self -esteem issues neither am I insecure. Well, speaking from experience People who struggle with insecurities or  low self-esteem have the most major difficulties in relationships with others. This is because they are unable to establish healthy boundaries or limits with people. The reason, for this inability, is that with low self-esteem comes a variety of irrational thoughts, emotions and actions which leads people to lose themselves in relationships with others. This absorption of self into others leads to a loss of personal internal control. People with low self-esteem have a weakened "internal control" and become dependent on a strong "external control." They become victims to being controlled by how others think, feel  and act towards them. People with low self-esteem are dependent on others' approval and recognition and therefore fearful of  being rejected  by and conflict with others. It has been estimated in the self-esteem literature that over 90 percent of us are suffering from low self-esteem at one degree or another. Therefore most people in relationships are currently suffering from low self-esteem or recovering from it

The next thing I would love for you to evaluate is just how healthy are the current relationships in your life? Have you made sure to set these boundaries physically,intellectually,spiritually, emotionally and for some financially. Now after setting forth these boundaries, Just how effective are you in maintaining them. Have you allowed any of you individual relationships to become intrusive or persuasive. Causing you to compromise your boundaries and afterwards you use unhealthy, compulsive or addictive behaviors as a barrier or unhealthy boundary to protect yourself from intimacy with your relationship partners (i. e. significant other, family etc.)?...How well do you stay unhooked and detached when your relationship partners are working you over to lower your boundaries in the relationships? Does your inability to maintain healthy intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual boundaries with your relationship partners frighten you? When you consider trying to maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships without the use of body weight, food or some other compulsive behaviors to protect and medicate you in the process, are you scared? Would you prefer to stay stuck in using your unhealthy distancing techniques than to work on learning how to establish healthy boundaries in your relationships? If the answer is yes to any of the above questions, than yes it's time you  strengthen your boundaries with your relationship partners to enrich or regain the health of your relationships.

Here are helpful tools you may use to evaluate the relationships in your life. You will need a pen and paper for this exercise: List the various relationships within your life. Example: My relationship with my children, what healthy boundaries have I set for them and in another column what unhealthy boundaries have I set for them and yes, there is such a thing as unhealthy vs. healthy boundaries. An unhealthy boundary with your child per say would be allowing the child to eat things that aren't beneficial for their health ( candy, junk food) excessively, by giving in to their cries or temper tantrums. Well, setting a healthy boundary in situations such as this would be upon their temper tantrum their should be consequences for unacceptable behavior.

The following are Characteristics of a Healthy Intimate Relationship
The goal in an intimate relationship is to feel calm, centered and focused. The intimacy needs to be safe, supportive, respectful, non punitive and peaceful. You feel taken care of, wanted, unconditionally accepted and loved just for existing and being alive in a healthy intimate relationship. You feel part of something and not alone in such a relationship. You experience forgiving and being forgiven with little revenge or reminding of past offenses. You find yourself giving thanks for just being alive in this relationship. A healthy intimate relationship has a sense of directness with plan and order. You experience being free to be who you are rather than who you think you need to be for the other person. This relationship makes you free from the "paralysing of analysis" needing to analyze every minute detail of what goes on in it. An intimate relationship has its priorities in order, with people's feelings and process of the relationship coming before things and money. A healthy intimate relationship encourages your personal growth . It isn't intimidated by your individuality but supports your individuality. This relationship does not result in you or your relationship partner becoming emotionally, physically or intellectually dependent on one another. An intimate relationship encourages the spiritual growth of both  partners and makes room for God in the relationship as a partner and friend. The relationship partners understand how to be sensitive to certain areas that could trigger hostility and anger. To maintain this healthy relationship, when issues arise discuss them. Be sure to use words that restrain from causing the other to become defensive. Such as, when this happened I began to feel as though______but most importantly how did it make you feel? By allowing both partners to share their feelings it strengthens the communication. Also, never address an issue unless you have a solution. Remember not to leave loose ends. It will only cause things to further become undone.

Use the following questions with your relationship partner(s) to discuss the issue of intimacy:
* Does our relationship sound, look and feel like this description?
* What factors impede our ability to have this kind of relationship?
If relationship partners, who are married, are not able to establish a healthy intimate relationship then they run the risk of not being able to establish a healthy sexually intimate relationship with each other.
* Is this true in our relationship?
* Do we have good times together, but fail at being emotionally, spiritually and physically intimate?
* Do we have an openly affectionate relationship with healthy emotionally based communication or do we just do things together, with no communication or affection giving?
* How important is it to you to have healthy intimacy in our relationship?

Wise Words

Between men and women there is more than  friendship. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, much more than friendship.
 -- Unknown

Relationship Quiz: Are You Emotionally Unavailable?

1. You know you have strong, sincere feelings for a new guy you're dating. When do you tell him?

  I never tell him because it never happens. "Strong, sincere feelings" are for suckers!

  I tell him the second I feel it, even if it's only been a week. I don't hold anything back

  Just to be safe, I wait until I get a sense of how strongly he feels for me.

2. When it comes to relationships, you tend to:

4. When you're seeing someone new and you've both been busy, how do you keep in touch?

 We're never out of touch. I call him several times a day and let him know everything that's going on.

 I'll try calling him once in the evening just to let him know I'm thinking about him.

 IM'ing, text messages and E-mail. I'm not very good at talking. It's too awkward for me.

5. Your new guy reveals that he wants to introduce you to his parents. What do you say?

 I tell him I'll consider it ... and then I never answer his calls again.

 If I really like the guy, I'll take him up on his offer. I want to see if he'll still have his hair when he's his dad's age.

 I've already met his Parents! I introduced myself as his girlfriend when we ran into them at the grocery store.

6. How do you feel about marriage?

 I've been planning the big day since I was four. Now all I need is Mr. Right.

 Marriage is not in my future. How can I settle on just one person for the rest of my life?

 It's something that's always in the back of my mind. I'll be happy when I find the right guy to make the   plunge with.

7. You've been dating someone for 6 months. One night over dinner he says he loves you. How do you react?

 If it felt right, I'd say it back. Chances are I feel the same after 6 months of being together.

 Finally! I've been saying it for 6 months already!

 I'd say, "Aww, thanks. Check please."

8. What has been your longest relationship?

 A little over 2 years. He seemed afraid of commitment, so I cut my losses.

 Six months, 1 week and 4 days - but who's counting?

 I don't really like the term "relationship."

9. In an ideal world, how old would you be when you settled down? 

 I would have married my high school sweetheart after graduation and avoided all of this dating nonsense. I don't have an ideal age for settling down. It'll happen when it does.

Well, I mean ... I don't know ... maybe ... uh, never.

10. What is your idea of the perfect boyfriend?

 Someone who gives me my space and doesn't always ask where our relationship is going. Ugh, I hate that! Someone who is level-headed, realistic and who doesn't play games.

 Someone who's a romantic and wants to get married and start a family right away.

Submit your email address for test results

Helpful Sites

10 Dangerous Mistakes Women Make That Ruin The Perfect Relationship CatchHimAndKeepHim.com

Inspiration in Action! Try the Only Social Network for Empowered Women. BraveHeartWomen.com

7 Secrets to Rebuilding Trust. "I suggest you read this..." http://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/aclk?sa=l&ai=Bj6oO4QSMTbGvJo6X6Qb31Jn1Drm9pOQB0eKwrRy1jv73K5ChDxAEGAQgj7CkECgEOABQs6Sw2Pj_____AWDJlveM5KSsE6AB0ZHf_gOyARJ3d3cubGl2ZXN0cm9uZy5jb23IAQHaAVlodHRwOi8vd3d3LmxpdmVzdHJvbmcuY29tL2FydGljbGUvMTQ2ODgtZXN0YWJsaXNoaW5nLWhlYWx0aHktYm91bmRhcmllcy1pbi1yZWxhdGlvbnNoaXBzL4ACAagDAegD_wPoA-sI6APsCfUDAAAARPUDAABAAA&num=4&sig=AGiWqtxM7OFlpcK_dnbAMAqgOoXaf38XkA&client=ca-livestrong_html&adurl=http://www.MortFertel.com/cmd.asp%3Faf%3D1131274

Improving Parenting Skills through communication with your children www.parentfurther.com

 Get my heart broken often. Is it really that bad to discuss marriage and babies on the first date?

 Avoid them at all costs. They're suffocating and stifling.

 Take them slow. If I don't rush the guy who makes my coffee in the morning, why would I rush love?

 
3. You've been dating your guy for a month. How do you introduce him to your friends?

 I jokingly say, "This is _____, the man of the hour."

 "This is my fiancé, he just doesn't know it yet."

 "This is my friend ____, we met at a bar."